What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:09
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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One cannot live in the past .
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Would the word literate carry the same meaning with public (common wealth) in 1900 vs today 2020?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was scared of men, in general
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What's the funniest thing you heard in a movie theater?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Have you ever had sex with your mother-in-law? If so, how was it and did your wife ever find out?
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He resisted the act ,that day.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was 9 years of age.
How do I convince flat earthers that the earth is round?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Have you ever been forced into bestiality?
She was in good health!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Who then, do I blame.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was seconnd youngest,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She wouldn,t have been !
We were not on the streets..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was very sick at this time too.
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She loved him until the end.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So whats the point in blame.
But ive been too sick for many years..
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i lived it daily.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I couldn’t, believe it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My family never makes their pension either.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
When she asked me how she looked .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So, i spoilt her more .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It was going to be , some day.
He knew the spot.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .